Top 10 Things Not To Do When You’re on the Run

James "Whitey" Bulger

The FBI finally caught up to James “Whitey” Bulger, raiding the 80 year old’s home he shared with his co-fugitive wife. A master of disguise, the knife-yielding senior citizen was lured outside of his apartment, trickery conjured up by authorities to not have to enter his home sparking a possible firefight with a man known to have weapons. Inside the apartment, they found $300,000 in cash and 30 weapons. So we go to thinking, what are the top 10 things you should never do if you’re an experienced Italian mobster on the run for 30 years and you’ve got $300k, drugs, and a cache of weapons hanging by their straps in your apartment?

  • Never answer the door for the Fazoli’s delivery guy. You’re Italian and you can make your own damned pasta fagioli!

  • If your bank account suddenly zeros out and you have no idea why, do not go to the bank to ask “What have you done with my laundered drug money??!”

  • Don’t rent movies about the mob and especially movies that are based on the foundation of your true criminal history.

  • Never say you think Olive Garden is an insult to any respectable Italian. In fact, eat there all the time and compliment the chef often.

  • Never complain about how inaccurate the TV show “The Sopranos” is to the life of a real mobster.

  • Never connect with your old friends on Facebook.

  • Never root for your home town sports collective at a bar in the rivalry town where you secretly moved.

  • Refrain from ever using the trunk in your car. Don’t even put groceries back there. Just use the main cabin of your car for everything. If it won’t fit then just do without it.

  • Thick yellow gold chains are a no-no.

  • Never show chest hair, especially if yellow gold chains are too much a part of your life to let go. This is a dead giveaway!

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