Kicked Me In The BitCoin


BitCoin, an electronic monetary system good for purchasing items on the internet in select e-commerce websites, has been robbed! The thieves reportedly stole the valuable currency, completely deleting the $500,000,000 in BitCoins. Stocks, which went as high as $50 a share, settled at $17 a share before plunging to its death immediately after news of the heist to mere pennies per stock.

Talk about takin’ a BitCoin to the groin. But BitCoin has garnered the support of news whistleblower WikiLeaks and gamer security nightmare Lulz Security, recently claiming responsibility for hacks on SEGA, Playstation, and the CIA. In fact, Lulz has even been accused of masterminding the BitCoin hack, perhaps to fund the endless summer of hacking in grandma’s basement in some obscure European town like Hamburg, Germany. The group has denied involvement, however, they didn’t let an opportunity to advertise pass them by.

“To increase efforts, we are now teaming up with the Anonymous collective and all affiliated battleships. Whether you’re sailing with us or against us, whether you hold past grudges or a burning desire to sink our lone ship, we invite you to join the rebellion. Together we can defend ourselves so that our privacy is not overrun by profiteering gluttons.” – LulzSec


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